WHY? WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE PHRASED IN SUCH RETARDED WAYS?

Gah! Why do computer folk always have to use long, complicated, drawn-out sentences to make clear what they mean? I was just on php.net, looking up some pretty basic stuff to see if there were any examples of what I plan to make and I found this:

Searches subject for a match to the regular expression given in pattern.

If matches is provided, then it is filled with the results of search. $matches[0] will contain the text that matched the full pattern, $matches[1] will have the text that matched the first captured parenthesized subpattern, and so on. 

If I were to write that, I’d say “This scans the subject for matches of regex and displays each one as $matches[0],$matches[1] as opposed to $1,$2.”   Why? It makes no damned sense, “first captured parenthesizzed subpattern” WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

Honestly, it’s ridiculous. You go to a computer store to ask a question and they talk to you like an idiot for not understanding what this jargon means, they wonder why people can be so dumb on computers, it’s sentences like that putting them off. It’s bloody irritating and I just want to slap all these folk with their big monobrows, coke bottle eye glasses and their comb overs who think they’re the bee’s knees for having spent 10 years of their lives as mature students who struggled through life until Bill and his team of merry men came along and made an OS to kill all others then got a job in some big company overrun with computer fr00bs because they’ve not been given a decent weeks training in the matter where they end up living in a small hole at the bottom of the building, only coming out to collect and return faulty computers. :@:@:@

I look forward to the day when all these folk have gone or when everyone is like that and they’re nothing special, then what’ll they do?