Thought I’d upload the prom pics for all to see! Find them here. Will add some of the tandem in a bit but if you’ve got some then please send them to me on MSN and I’ll shove ‘em up there!

May 19th:

Just a quick update for all those that have bought or are contemplating buying spaces.

I’ve added all the designs I’ve received so far to the best possible place I could get them to your request, so far I’ve only had requests on the T-shirt itself rather thanjeans .etc. No worries I’ll fill that later if I think it’s needed :P. Don’t see your logo there? Contact me ASAP and I’ll see what’s happened.

19th May: Top, Front; Top, Rear; Bottom, Rear.

As you can see, there are still tons of places left and I’m still selling various sizes. All the A4 places have now been taken and I can’t sell anymore as  I promised only 10 would be sold contact me and we’ll come to an agreement.

Oh and please would eBay bidders note that you won’t receive anymore updates via eBay, it’s either necessary for you to check here yourself or to reply to this topic requesting updates via your email address :).

 7th August:

Hello again, I’ve been busy collecting money from about 40 people who have bought smaller adverts at a cost of £4.50 for up to A5 sized - The turnouts have been good. Mostly I’ve received images from websites I run, forums I run that I’ve advertised on. I plan to fill gaps with images of things I use frequently, google .etc and amusing images. I’m going to add more photos when I have my internet return (moved house and am waiting til the 15th for it to return). It’s looking good. I’ll attempt to email everyone as soon as they become available. Also some images will be posted the day I return from V.

In good news for advertisers, I may well be staying a further day in London, which will mean further travel and advertising. If I do stay, I’ll be at St. Pauls YHA Youth Hostel for a night then generally trawling through London with a meeting at Frontier, Rivington Street (near Old Street). Cheers!

Played for hours and hours - I intend to continue. I’ve not checked out their other games but you might as well, here.

Did you know they’re:
- the only surving twin or an actual twin
- likely to die, on average, 9 years before others
- capable of writing better with their left hand than right
- generally not ambidextrous
- allowed to join the SSLH
- able to type the words desegregates, reverberated, watercress, aftereffects, sweaterdresses way quicker than righties and with less mistakes (presuming they’re keyboard literate.
- unable to write in some pen types without being covered in shit.

Yeah, we have it rough. What can we do about it though?

Words alone will have to express my profoundly abject aplogy for my behaviour in your pub last night. I will have the shelf repaird, and will do my best to council your youngest, Molly back to health. The genital exposure was regrettable and the fact I threw out some of your customers was naughty to the extreme. Christian Shepherd will vouch that I did stand myself in the corner for several minutes rapping my knuckles with a three meter ruler, whist suffering from acute alcoholic poisoning. While this letter was written in the Boot, it does not necessarily mean that I will not besmirch Bants with my presence in the future, but hints such as ‘I’m never allowing that drunken perverted bastard who thinks he’s God in the pub again’ will be taken in the spirit in which they are intended.

Yours with affection,

Andrew ‘Filthy’ Spencer

Tim Clissold, step-father of Christian, author of Mr. China and loser of $418,000,000 decided to write a little story about our little party around at the dear man’s house mantion:

 Once upon a time, there was a man who lived in China. He was quite lonely because he didn’t have any children, but one day two small step-children arrived on an aeroplane from England. He was so happy to see them as they played about with small diggers in his flowerbeds and rode their bicycles around in the garden.

Then, one day, they went to the Summer Palace and rowed across the lake in the summer sunshine. They paddled about in the boat amongst the reeds and rushes at the edge of the lake and afterwards they walked along the long pathways that run over the tall humpy backed Chinese bridges that span the waterways by the side of the lake. The youngest step-child rode on the step-fathers shoulders and told him that in the distance he could see a great long wall climbing up out
of the valley and marching across the distant mountains towards the sky. They were very happy.

But when they went back to the house that evening the step-father was rather surprised. One of the step-children went to bed nicely, but the other one refused to go. When the step-father told him to go to bed, the step-child looked him right in the eye and said “No, I won’t.” The step-father had no experience of young children and was both surprised and interested by the step-child’s disobedience. There was no lock on the bedroom door, so the step-father tried to lock the step-child into his bedroom by lashing together some old belts and tying the doorhandle onto a large cupboard, but the step-child just pulled the door open and said, “You can’t lock me in there!” Eventually the step-father gave in and let the step-child play some more and to sit on his mother’s knee, but the child soon fell asleep so the step-father carefully carried the child into the bedroom and tucked him up in bed, thinking to himself that he had learnt a lesson that day.

And as the seasons turned, the step-father leant many things from the two step-children; one taught him by what he said, and the other taught him by what he did.

Many years later, the step-child moved back to England. He lived in a big house in a village where no one from China had ever been before. But he quickly found lots of new friends so one day he invited them to a party. When they arrived, the step-father noticed that amongst the guests there were some nasty horrid rough boys and some girls who wore lots of lipstick. Some of them even had tummies that rolled over their trousers with unusual pieces of metal stuck to them and they lolled about on the step-fathers bed most immodestly. But he didn’t mind as he loved the step-child very much. In fact, even when they vomited in the bathroom and tore off the front door and stole his whiskey, the step-father didn’t get angry because he wanted the step-child to have a nice time.

And the step-child certainly did.

Then, a few weeks later, the step-child asked the step-father if he could have another party, and the step-father said “Certainly not. Last time, there were some nasty horrid rough boys who came to the house and I do not have time to return estate agents signs from whence they were uprooted, nor to clear up the clods of mud from the landing.” “Oh,” said the step-child. And then he went off.

But when the step-father was safely away back in China, the step-child had an excellent idea.

Instead of having a party, he decided to erect a number of make-shift tents in the fields behind the house, with guy-ropes all at odd angles and tasselled awnings and strange flags atop the ridge poles. Then he fixed up some loudspeakers and invited 25 people to come and stay over. “That isn’t a party,” he said to himself, “anyone knows that a party has to be held within a fixed structure as defined by the Building Regulations Ordinance (1938) as adopted by Her Majesty’s Government. We are just enjoying ourselves under the stars,” said the step-child, “and nobody can object to that.” And then he bought vast quantities of beer, and everone had a marvellous time, especially the one whose ankle hurt and who had to sleep inside in the step-father’s bed.

And so, of course, the step-father found out about the gathering under the stars. And at first he thought that he should be angry with the step-child. But then he remembered that door-handle lashed to a big cupboard with an old belt and he couldn’t be angry because he loved the step-child so much. And besides, the step-child was just re-defining the word “party” to exclude moveable structures. Anyone can understand that.

But most of all, the step-father could not be angry with the step-child because he respected him.

And so they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

I was amused.

We're all familiar with users-online counters, some of us can make our own, some of us can go onto Tutorialized or Good Tutorials and follow basic instructions in order to have them - but what about those just starting? What about people who don't have fancy-pants PHP and only have access to things like freewebs? What do they do?

There's a clear niche in the market where other site tool websites just haven't bothered. It's weird, online-user counters are tools that new and experienced webmasters alike use to get an idea of how many people visit their sites, it's something everyone requires but not everyone can get. In this tutorial you will learn how to create your own online-users counter hosting script (what a mouth full!) so that you can fill this niche. You'll learn how to make a PHP online-users counter and adapt this to display in javascript, allowing anyone with or without PHP to display their online counters from your site! Without further ado let's begin.

The plan

As usual I'm going to try and keep things simple, we're going to run the whole site off 2 simple pages:
- online_create.php - This is where your user will enter their info and create their guestbook.
- online_view.php - This is where your users code will be displayed from.

And that's the plan really.

In the beginning... Like when ganesh (oh get on with the story) ok ok.

Well we're not getting anywhere fast without creating our mySQL table, we need to run the following query, the whole script will run off this!

So in this we create the table "online" with four fields; "id", a field that increments by 1 everytime a row is added; "ip", this is how we tell if a hit is a unique user and not just the same one; "time", this tells us how old a row so we can delete it after 5 minutes and finally "url", this is so we know if the ip is on the same site or not therefore it works if the users visit several sites hosted by you!

Now you need to connect to this database via the php, you could use your own method if you're integrating this with another site or you can use this method, you need to put this on online_view.php only:

online_view.php

I've started with online view as it will make the other easier to explain. I'm going to annotate the script rather than tit about repeating myself afterwards.